For decades, pop culture has fed us a simple idea: somewhere out there is a single, perfect match—a soulmate—waiting in the wings. Songs, movies, and advice columns all reinforce the belief that you get only one shot at true love. Miss it, lose it, or outlive it, and you’re left with regret. This myth is comforting because it makes love seem like destiny rather than chance. Yet for many older Americans, especially those who have lost a partner or endured a divorce, this belief becomes limiting, suggesting the door to new love is closed when it does not need to be.
Ask around in retirement communities or group settings, and you’ll often hear the real concern: “Did I already have my one true love?” For some, this question brings warm memories. For others, it triggers grief and doubt—a fear that nothing new is possible. But the main point, emphasized by psychologists and relationship experts, is that the ‘one and done’ idea is more fiction than fact. Believing in this myth can block the possibility of happiness and loving relationships in later life.
“The notion that we’re allotted a single soulmate sets us up for a kind of romantic fatalism,” says Dr. Marianne Powers, a therapist who has spent decades counseling seniors on love and loss. “It closes people off to new connections, as though loving again would somehow betray the past. But the heart doesn’t work that way.”
History, in fact, is full of people who loved more than once—and deeply. For example, actress Joanne Woodward famously found love again with Paul Newman after her first marriage ended. Similarly, Maya Angelou married three times and wrote candidly about the different forms of love that shaped her life. Even in literature, the most durable characters don’t just move on from heartbreak; they grow, discovering new facets of themselves in every relationship.
The idea of a single, irreplaceable ‘true love’ is also a modern invention. For most of history, marriage focused on practical needs like survival and community rather than on soulmates. The romantic ideal intensified in the 19th century, as novels and films made passion and exclusivity the center of love stories. However, this cultural script ignores the reality that life changes and new love can emerge at any stage.
For seniors who have lost a spouse or ended a long marriage, starting over can seem impossible. “There’s pressure to remain loyal to the first great love,” says Dr. Powers. “But grief and healing aren’t betrayals. They’re part of loving fully.” Research supports her: studies show older adults who form new bonds have higher well-being and even better health. The capacity for connection is not limited by age or history.
Still, the myth lingers where loss is sharp. In interviews with widowed seniors, many describe guilt at the thought of dating again. “It took me years to even consider it,” says Marjorie, 77, who lost her husband of 40 years. “I thought I was done. But I missed sharing my days. My kids encouraged me, and eventually, I met someone new. It’s different, but it’s good. I realized I could love again without erasing the past.”
Experts suggest that embracing the possibility of love at any age is the true antidote to the ‘one and done’ myth. Later-in-life love may look different—often more about companionship and shared values than drama—but it remains genuine and deeply meaningful. ‘The heart is spacious,’ Dr. Powers says. ‘There’s room for more than one great love. Sometimes, there’s even room for surprise.’
For those wondering if their best love is behind them, the answer lies in openness, not fate. The ‘one and done’ myth falsely narrows what is possible. Instead, life is rich with new beginnings, offering more opportunities for love than we often expect. It’s rarely too late for another chapter.
