Satire
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NY Jets Sign Joey Chestnut in Third-Round QB Pick
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ — In a move that left both sports analysts and nutritionists scratching their heads, the New York…
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Oh, Give Me a Home…Please!
YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK— …where the buffalo roam, and the sky is not cloudy all day, but where people aren’t so…
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Californians Vote to Allow “Critical Karen Theory” to be Taught in State Elementary Classrooms
In a move that shocked no one, California voters yesterday overwhelmingly approved a ballot measure requiring all elementary schools to…
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Angry 2-Year-Olds Smash and Grab at Local Target to Protest New Tariff on Pull-Ups
In what experts are calling “the most organized toddler-led politically motivated insurrection ever,” dozens of furious, unclothed 2-year-olds stormed a…
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Stressed by Hours of Repetition, Mother Strangles Both Marco and Polo at Local Hotel Pool
ORLANDO, FL — Spectators describe the scene as “less tragedy, more prophecy.” After what authorities counted as the 147th uninterrupted…
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Ayatollah Tells Paradise Greeter He Specifically Remembers Being Promised 72 Only Female Virgins
In sources describing it as an “awkward celestial encounter,” the recently deceased Iranian Ayatollah Ali Khamenei reportedly faced paradise on…
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