If you thought Hollywood had already scraped the bottom of the barrel, 2026 says, “Hold my oat milk latte.” This year’s lineup takes “woke” to a level previously only theorized by Inclusion Physicists and the “outraged,” aka I ‘m-not-employed-so-I-have-nothing-to-do-except-be-on-Twitter-and-Facebook- all day. Here are ten new releases so jaw-droppingly misguided, you’ll wonder if the writers’ room was just a group chat at a vegan co-op.
1. Avengers: Doomsday
Marvel returns with a crossover so inclusive that every Avenger identifies as a different pronoun and their superpowers require trigger warnings. The villain? A billionaire who wants to build affordable housing – the absolute monster (Rolling Stone).
2. Project Hail Mary
Ryan Gosling stars as a teacher who saves humanity by lecturing an alien civilization on microaggressions. Spoiler: The aliens cancel Earth anyway (Box Office Mojo).
3. Wuthering Heights
Emerald Fennell’s remake sets Brontë’s classic on Mars and recasts Heathcliff as a non-binary AI, voiced by Jacob Elordi, with Margot Robbie as a time-traveling influencer. Literature majors and sci-fi fans finally unite to hate the same movie (BBC).
4. Scream 7
In this installment, the killer is society itself. The final girl’s weapon? Therapy. The mask? A Guy Fawkes mask made of recycled plastic. The moral? If you survive a slasher, check your privilege (Box Office Mojo).
5. Hoppers
Disney’s animated adventure about grasshoppers fighting for intersectional justice against a patriarchal ant colony. The villain is a literal queen (ant), so you know it’s subversive (Wikipedia).
6. Goat
A satire so on-the-nose it made the goat population unionize. Starring Timothée Chalamet as a misunderstood farm animal who identifies as a chicken and sues for emotional damages (Wikipedia).
7. The Drama
A24’s latest is just Zendaya reading TikTok comments for 2 hours in a black-box theater. At the premiere, critics declared it “a brave meditation on the algorithm” and gave it a standing ovation, which was later canceled on X for being “ableist” (Wikipedia).
8. Moana (Live Action)
Because it’s been almost a decade since the “original,” Disney’s live-action reboot features a 40% more diverse cast, a non-binary crab, and a musical number about carbon offsets. The ocean now uses they/them pronouns (Inside the Magic).
9. Supergirl
The Girl of Steel faces her toughest foe yet: a right-wing podcaster with a kryptonite microphone. In the climactic battle, she defeats him with a TED Talk on gender fluidity (Rolling Stone).
10. Blades of the Guardians
A samurai epic in which every sword fight is replaced by a restorative-justice circle. The big twist: The antagonist is a cisgender man who refuses to compost (Box Office Mojo).
In summary, 2026 proves Hollywood’s creativity and “woke” is alive and well, and filtered through a DEI checklist and three rounds of sensitivity training. So, see you at the movies. Just remember to bring your emotional support pet, your fidget toy, and your Civil Rights attorney.
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